Leaving Manacube...?

Cookie Kat

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#1
Okay, so I know I've said this a lot. But I think this is legit this time... yesterday some shit happened at school, and I got in a hella lot of trouble. (Surprised I haven't been suspended) The school had to call home and my parents WERE NOT happy. History is repeating itself- you know what? I'm perm muted because of the exact same damn reason I got upset and literally just flipped out. Of course not in real life, I had to do it on discord YES discord is the bane of my existence... but then, I quote on quote (according to the teacher) got up and left and they weren't able to find me until the teacher came looking for me. I haven't ran off like this since last year, so I know something rlly bad set me off. And I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER miss art class. I FRIGGING LOVE ART AND I FCKING MISSED IT. As the day drew to a close, I did blow up, and started screaming I'MMA KILL THAT FCKING BITCH! And saying I FCKING HATE HER! Idk who I was aiming that at, most likely myself bcuz I do fcking hate myself.... but either way, kids were staring at me, and I'm sure if I was them, I would be likewtf. As punishment for my bad behaviour, my parents forced me to remove Minecraft and discord. I don't have phone access, and they will be monitoring my activity when I do get stuff back. I managed to sneak on the forums to write this... but I just wanted ya'll to know I'm NOT DEAD (yet) and... I'm sorry.
 
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#2
Take care <3
Your parents is at least caring enough to do something about the situation. You might not think it's fair but its probably for the best .
 

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#3
Take care <3
Your parents is at least caring enough to do something about the situation. You might not think it's fair but its probably for the best .
I know... I just wanted to make sure my friends knew I wasn't dead, that... I'm "ok" if you can say crying every other hour or whatever... there's nothing they can do for me other than hope... I do return, bcuz I love and care about them. I screamed, saying that "These are my friends, and nothing can change that." My loyalty is undying and will never fade till the day I die.
@rangedhealer77 I need you to make sure that all my friends understand, and plz, don't be mad or whatever. I know I shouldn't be here, I wish I'd left sooner. I'm sorry.
 

InfinityxKatrina

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#4
Echo, you know how much I love you. You will be missed <3
 

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#5
<3
Take a break for your mental health. People try to play down situations like this, but this isn't a good place to be in. Your sanity is more important than activity on a Minecraft server or pleasing your teachers and parents. When you're feeling better, ease yourself back into the scheme of things. I look forward to seeing you back on the server :)
 
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#6
Okay, so I know I've said this a lot. But I think this is legit this time... yesterday some shit happened at school, and I got in a hella lot of trouble. (Surprised I haven't been suspended) The school had to call home and my parents WERE NOT happy. History is repeating itself- you know what? I'm perm muted because of the exact same damn reason I got upset and literally just flipped out. Of course not in real life, I had to do it on discord YES discord is the bane of my existence... but then, I quote on quote (according to the teacher) got up and left and they weren't able to find me until the teacher came looking for me. I haven't ran off like this since last year, so I know something rlly bad set me off. And I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER miss art class. I FRIGGING LOVE ART AND I FCKING MISSED IT. As the day drew to a close, I did blow up, and started screaming I'MMA KILL THAT FCKING BITCH! And saying I FCKING HATE HER! Idk who I was aiming that at, most likely myself bcuz I do fcking hate myself.... but either way, kids were staring at me, and I'm sure if I was them, I would be likewtf. As punishment for my bad behaviour, my parents forced me to remove Minecraft and discord. I don't have phone access, and they will be monitoring my activity when I do get stuff back. I managed to sneak on the forums to write this... but I just wanted ya'll to know I'm NOT DEAD (yet) and... I'm sorry.
what do you mean "something must of set me off" and how u did not know who u were directing the "imma kill that fcking bitch"? are you not aware when youre going through those episodes or something?
 

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#7
what do you mean "something must of set me off" and how u did not know who u were directing the "imma kill that fcking bitch"? are you not aware when youre going through those episodes or something?
I'm assuming she means there was a specific trigger for her response. And with some mental episodes, you might say things simply out of anger or frustration, even if you don't have a target for them, which is what I imagine happened here. I don't know you personally, but if you aren't familiar with common poor mental health symptoms, this may seem foreign to you.
 
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#8
what do you mean "something must of set me off" and how u did not know who u were directing the "imma kill that fcking bitch"? are you not aware when youre going through those episodes or something?
yeah i will say that i understand this so dont be clowing on people for stuff its a hard issue to talk about
 

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#9
I didn’t know you for too long but it was nice meeting you, take care of life that’s what’s most important. Wish you the best grace :)
 

Hallowqueen

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#10
I’ll always be available if you need to chat!

Take care - I think this break will really, truly benefit you. You deserve some time to yourself. ManaCube will always be your little virtual home, and the community will always be your little virtual famallamadingdong. <3
 

Cookie Kat

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#11
Whatever is going on... it only happens like once in a blue moon. I know it's happened before on Manacube- and other servers. But, it's almost more amplified in the real world... which is intriguing. Same triggers, but different responses? hmm, the human mind truly is complex and mysterious...
People keep telling me that the anger isn't me- the teachers said it's not me. Back in grade school, I would throw fits a lot.... and they gave it a nick name. "Big Girl Grace," or "baby Grace." I think Baby Grace has returned, but.... I rather not call her that, I'm thinking of maybe.... Lucy. Definitely not a nick for Lucifer :mad:
And despite all that, maybe the anger IS ME. Like, what do they know? They aren't trapped in my body 365 days a year 24/7. Nor do they know what goes on in my head, which.... is like fighting a war. I realized that my anger isn't my enemy, I'm my biggest enemy. It wasn't ever anyone who I got into arguments with, it was myself. And I hate me soooo...
But I promise- one day I WILL return. Idc what my parents say, Manacube is my home. My house doesn't even feel like home, not since my sister left, not since I removed Discord and Minecraft.
 

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#12
I'm assuming she means there was a specific trigger for her response. And with some mental episodes, you might say things simply out of anger or frustration, even if you don't have a target for them, which is what I imagine happened here. I don't know you personally, but if you aren't familiar with common poor mental health symptoms, this may seem foreign to you.
All I can guarantee is that I have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Yes, people debate that autism is a mental illness, but the people I've grown up with in my personal life... they haven't said it was. I don't rlly know tho, there still is so much we don't know about autism.
But I do agree that like several other mental illness, autism usually includes heightened emotions, lack of social skills etc. I also know that some mental illnesses can be linked to autism- a person may be diagnosed with autism and another mental illness.
It is totally possible I have something else going on, but none of the doctors nor has my therapist said anything.
So at this point, I wouldn't rlly call any of my outbursts a mental episode because we have no idea what it rlly is or what actually causes it. My parents have their theories- and it makes sense. Triggers can include lack of sleep, not eating enough food, social situations.
Lack of sleep sometimes makes sense- but I've had sleepless nights before and didn't "act out."
Yeah, I didn't eat a lot for lunch the day the episode happened, but there have been times I didn't eat much and I didn't act out.
Social situations? Yeah that usually is what can set me off... I think it's what caused it this time. Usually results in screaming and uhm.. if someone tries to talk me down? I just.. check out. I go up in tears, to the point there is a ringing in my ears and I have trouble breathing. Not a panic attack, but... I'm sure I've had my share of mild ones before. Cannot confirm tho. (When I brought up social anxiety as a possibility, my therapist shot it down saying it's probably the autism).
 

MCBYT

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#13
All I can guarantee is that I have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Yes, people debate that autism is a mental illness, but the people I've grown up with in my personal life... they haven't said it was. I don't rlly know tho, there still is so much we don't know about autism.
But I do agree that like several other mental illness, autism usually includes heightened emotions, lack of social skills etc. I also know that some mental illnesses can be linked to autism- a person may be diagnosed with autism and another mental illness.
It is totally possible I have something else going on, but none of the doctors nor has my therapist said anything.
So at this point, I wouldn't rlly call any of my outbursts a mental episode because we have no idea what it rlly is or what actually causes it. My parents have their theories- and it makes sense. Triggers can include lack of sleep, not eating enough food, social situations.
Lack of sleep sometimes makes sense- but I've had sleepless nights before and didn't "act out."
Yeah, I didn't eat a lot for lunch the day the episode happened, but there have been times I didn't eat much and I didn't act out.
Social situations? Yeah that usually is what can set me off... I think it's what caused it this time. Usually results in screaming and uhm.. if someone tries to talk me down? I just.. check out. I go up in tears, to the point there is a ringing in my ears and I have trouble breathing. Not a panic attack, but... I'm sure I've had my share of mild ones before. Cannot confirm tho. (When I brought up social anxiety as a possibility, my therapist shot it down saying it's probably the autism).
My family has a lot of the same issues too, unfortunately. Social situations seem to be what triggers the one in our family that has it, so that'd definitely make sense to me. As I said, just take some time out for yourself, don't let people push you around or it'll only get worse.
 

Cookie Kat

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#14
I’ll always be available if you need to chat!

Take care - I think this break will really, truly benefit you. You deserve some time to yourself. ManaCube will always be your little virtual home, and the community will always be your little virtual famallamadingdong. <3
I'll miss you Hallow, I think this break is a good idea... but I cannot deny the sleepless nights. Well, I mean... I don't think I've slept well in a while. I keep having these crazy dreams, waking up and falling back asleep. Maybe that's normal... but my dreams rlly trouble me.
 

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#15
My family has a lot of the same issues too, unfortunately. Social situations seem to be what triggers the one in our family that has it, so that'd definitely make sense to me. As I said, just take some time out for yourself, don't let people push you around or it'll only get worse.
I try to just brush it off... but sometimes I'm just in a really crappy state of mind and I just snap. I think the mods can agree with that, because they've seen what I'm capable of... not in a good way.
 

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#16
Also! I know I told some of ya'll I was staying around bcuz I wanted to get into Royal- but bcuz of my irl ban... I don't think that's going to happen. So plz make sure Arenzo knows what's going on and I'm not ignoring him or whatever... (we were supposed to have a conversation about it)
 
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#17
I'm glad That Our Community is like this and Not Toxic Manacube is honestly such a great community and I'm So proud to be Apart of it and helping out New Players Who join and need help, I know that Stormy Didn't quit But recently she got a perm mute and I'm not sure if she still plays that often but in memory of Stormy Skies :mc_e_100: (The reason i put the horse is cause she always would be disguised as a horse)
 

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#18
I'm glad That Our Community is like this and Not Toxic Manacube is honestly such a great community and I'm So proud to be Apart of it and helping out New Players Who join and need help, I know that Stormy Didn't quit But recently she got a perm mute and I'm not sure if she still plays that often but in memory of Stormy Skies :mc_e_100: (The reason i put the horse is cause she always would be disguised as a horse)
Twisty, I wasn't the horse. That was star xD And I haven't actually quit.. I'm just grounded
 

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#19
All I can guarantee is that I have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Yes, people debate that autism is a mental illness, but the people I've grown up with in my personal life... they haven't said it was. I don't rlly know tho, there still is so much we don't know about autism.
But I do agree that like several other mental illness, autism usually includes heightened emotions, lack of social skills etc. I also know that some mental illnesses can be linked to autism- a person may be diagnosed with autism and another mental illness.
It is totally possible I have something else going on, but none of the doctors nor has my therapist said anything.
So at this point, I wouldn't rlly call any of my outbursts a mental episode because we have no idea what it rlly is or what actually causes it. My parents have their theories- and it makes sense. Triggers can include lack of sleep, not eating enough food, social situations.
Lack of sleep sometimes makes sense- but I've had sleepless nights before and didn't "act out."
Yeah, I didn't eat a lot for lunch the day the episode happened, but there have been times I didn't eat much and I didn't act out.
Social situations? Yeah that usually is what can set me off... I think it's what caused it this time. Usually results in screaming and uhm.. if someone tries to talk me down? I just.. check out. I go up in tears, to the point there is a ringing in my ears and I have trouble breathing. Not a panic attack, but... I'm sure I've had my share of mild ones before. Cannot confirm tho. (When I brought up social anxiety as a possibility, my therapist shot it down saying it's probably the autism).
I just wanted to say that I respect you for coping with your conditions. Autism is classed as a mental illnes but I actually don't really like to use that word since it gets pictured more negatively.

Maybe try to get a second opinion by another therapist to know if it really is a form of autism or something else like you might think.
 

Cookie Kat

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#20
I just wanted to say that I respect you for coping with your conditions. Autism is classed as a mental illnes but I actually don't really like to use that word since it gets pictured more negatively.

Maybe try to get a second opinion by another therapist to know if it really is a form of autism or something else like you might think.
I go see the school guidance counsellor once and a while. But she doesn't want to interfere too much with what my other therapist is doing with me.