Apology/Rant?

[Cookie Kat]

Okay, so recently I realized that I haven't been the greatest friend or person in general. I know that I've pushed my boundaries a lot, and I know that people can't always defend me on it. I started becoming more dependent on staff to be there for me, but... I realized it's extremely selfish. I don't want it to be that way, and because of this... I let myself grow weak, and now I don't know if I can stay here or not in my constant mood swing self.

I am afraid if I say too much, then you'll lose faith in me and not want to be my friend... bcuz I found that my motives behind certain things are dark and selfish. The community means a lot to me, I don't know if' it's because of the people or the game itself. All I know is this madness has to stop, because everyone told me I can't be so reliant on people you don't even know.

I don't want to leave, because I know so many people want me to stay. But I don't feel as happy like I used to, and I don't know why. I feel like I'm close to finding happiness outside the internet, but I don't know what it is... I just want to be busy so I don't have to face the overwhelming urge to go on Minecraft because that's when I lose it. Maybe I'm not feeling as much interest because I'm perm muted, maybe it's bcuz I just don't care about the game anymore.

But I always find myself back here. I know I can't make everyone happy, because... people have their different views. Of course people irl want me to be safe, and they want me to be happy and the definitely don't want me communicating with strangers.
In the same way, my online friends want me to be happy... but in the online community, we have a mutual sense of trusting unless the person does something bad. Maybe it's that way in reality, we just don't think about it?

Either way, I think a lot of people have lost their trust in me... I've hurt a lot of people, scared a lot of people, made too many mistakes to count. At the end of the day, I sit there and wonder if I am a good person to be around... or even befriend. Because I don't ever talk to my "Irl friends." Is that dangerous? They say that they care about me... and that they're there for me... but isn't that what the internet told me? What am I even getting from any of this...

I'm sorry, for everything. I'm especially sorry to the staff who I've lied to so many times and... broken their trust countless times.. I don't think I can even call them my friends anymore because that's how low I sank. And I'm sorry to anyone else I've hurt in the past present or future, because I never do learn, do I?

 

[Zeolous]

Hi there Stormy,
You don’t me and and I don’t know you. However I would like to offer you some advice in life. You have probably been told it a thousand times but treat people how you wish to be treated yourself. If you have done bad things in the past it’s almost an opportunity for you to realise who your friends and why they are so important. This is because the best of friends will forgive you and understand you are changing and becoming a better person, that be in or out of the Internet.
Hope this helps at all
Harry x

 

[warlord9120]

Hi there Stormy,
You don’t me and and I don’t know you. However I would like to offer you some advice in life. You have probably been told it a thousand times but treat people how you wish to be treated yourself. If you have done bad things in the past it’s almost an opportunity for you to realise who your friends and why they are so important. This is because the best of friends will forgive you and understand you are changing and becoming a better person, that be in or out of the Internet.
Hope this helps at all
Harry x

I kind of just want to add that you're allowed to be kinda selfish if it's toto become a better person or protect yourself from certain stuff. This has its limits ofcourse.

I'm glad for you that you'e able to say what you think you've done wrong. That's an important step to improvement. I don't know you really well but if you ever need someone to talk to without having a history with this person, just come find me on the Atlas Discord!

Good luck with your way to quest to "become a better person"!!
Warlord9120

 

[Cookie Kat]

Thank you guys for the kind words... honestly, I don't know if people are that upset... I just feel like I don't deserve it in a way. It feels strange...