Why I am Perm-Muted

[Cookie Kat]

Okay... so this thread is kinda rlly overdue... as many of you know, I'm perm muted. What does that mean? Well to put it in simple terms, it means I can't speak in chat at all, not without the help of loopholes both intentional and intentional in the mute system such as friend message or alts (which is highly inadvisable just an FYI).
Throughout my time on Manacube, I keep getting asked this question- "Why are you muted stormy?" There is no simple answer to this question... it's not even that it's very personal, season 1 of olympus was pretty crazy... any olympus mod could tell you it was pretty chaotic >.< but most of manacube is toxic, so what else is new? The issue here is I fed into the toxicity, over and over again. I would drag myself into arguments, start arguments, and spam even after being told to stop.
My most ingenious moments have been the times where I have purposefully "punished" myself. Things were going perfectly fine, but then I would decide that I didn't deserve to be unmute so would start causing issues to the point the staff would intervene and tell me to quit acting up.
Basically, the past two years I've acted like a fucking 17 year old baby. No, I can't even call myself 17, I act more like a 5 year old, and honestly at this point I can't even give a fucking shit because I can't stay any longer. I know there will be people who will miss me, but you have to understand that the server will be better off without me!! I've been nothing but a pain in the ass for a lot of people, and even in the joyous moments... I haven't felt happy here in a very very long time... and it's about time that maybe I start thinking about myself instead of what my friends want, what the staff want, what the community wants... there's only one person I'm in charge of, and that's ME. I'm tired of being so sad all the time, and people say to be more positive but it's just a big fucking lie when someone asks me how i'm doing and I say i'm doing fine. BECAUSE I'M NOTFINE!! I NEVER HAVE BEEN FINE AND NEVER WILL BE!
I do appreciate the people who tried to help me through the past two years... but unfortunately, I learned all this a little too late. I realized my mistakes too late... I wish I could go back and change time, so then I could of maybe stopped myself from being muted in the first place. The truth is, I have been getting muted since day 1, and I don't think the cycle will end... the staff know it, and now I'm starting to accept it as well. It's been a good run, I will miss you all very much... if you wish to speak with me I'll be on discord, but I'll be cutting back on Manacube (or trying to)... so what does this really mean? Am I truly quitting? I don't want to say that I am, because I said that in the past and I'm still here... but really, I'm not part of the community, I am not part of it because of the perm mute. this isn't to get people's pity, this is just the cold hard truth. Outside of the forums, I don't talk to anyone other than my friends. So yeah, I've lost the community and I'll probably never come back, not really...
if you are reading this, congratulations, you made it to the bottom of this dumb rant.
Hope you all have a good rest of your day/night/evening
-Stormy <3

 

[PyroTortilla]

If you believe cutting back on your time spent on ManaCube will truly benefit you and make you a happier person, then you should by all means take time off. I remember before I got staff I took a week-long break from the server to work on my mental health and it made such a big impact on my attitude. While I know people will miss you, taking care of yourself first is important, so you should do what you feel is right.

 

[Cookie Kat]

Oh, I would also like to mention some "notable players." These are both staff and players who were truly amazing.

@LiLKayla the best big sister I could of ever asked for!
@Lavithian taught me the importance for following my heart <3
@gapplegal best skyblock waifu, and taught me the importance of patience
@Derpylatios even though we haven't always seen eye to eye, he isn't a horrible person. He DID try to help me

those are the only people I can think of right now, I may go back and change/add/edit!!

If you believe cutting back on your time spent on ManaCube will truly benefit you and make you a happier person, then you should by all means take time off. I remember before I got staff I took a week-long break from the server to work on my mental health and it made such a big impact on my attitude. While I know people will miss you, taking care of yourself first is important, so you should do what you feel is right.

thank you pyro, i know we don't rlly know each other well but i rlly do appreciate this <3

 

[LiLKayla]

Awe Stormy,

I really appreciate the fact that you have tried and keep trying to take care of yourself. If you ever need anyone you know you are welcome to message me! I hope your days get better- your future is bright <3

 

[Cookie Kat]

Awe Stormy,

I really appreciate the fact that you have tried and keep trying to take care of yourself. If you ever need anyone you know you are welcome to message me! I hope your days get better- your future is bright <3

I remember bits and pieces of season 1... so bitter sweet, I remember Courtney, and ranged, and hallow... and all of them have been staff at one point or another ;( they just grow up so fastttt </3 and then there was a time when u weren't mod... omg that feels like forever ago!!
I forgot to mention emily, who is simply amazing!!! I miss her tons
Please bring back the OG season 1 staff

 

[ashalee]

I hope everything is okay Stormy! As Pyro said above, sometimes taking a break is well-needed after a long time on the internet. Even taking a day or two can have huge impacts! I know that I've needed breaks from time-to-time, therefore if you do decide to take a break overall, I hope its filled with lots of peace and rest! Take some time for yourself, especially with the holidays coming up! Enjoy the season! ManaCube will always be here if you decide to return. Lots of love <3

 

[Cowamin]

I honestly understand the frustration and sadness that you point to in this message. While I didn't start getting muted until after about three months of playing on aether (about two months very actively), I wish I could go back and start from the beginning before I started getting muted out of boredom. I chose to feed into the toxicity at times, just being disruptive to the peace and good vibes of the server sometimes. I regret my actions just like you, and I wish there was a way to reset and obtain a clean slate! IF ONLY! However Manacube promotes responsibility and accountability through their punishments, and I have been punished for not taking the rules seriously. I totally get why you are taking a break or something along those lines, sometimes I wish I hadn't met such amazing and nice people on this server because that is why I am still sticking with it. It is really an unfortunate state of being though being muted forever, it is incredibly disheartening. I hope you decide to come back again in the future, but if that isn't best for you, then take care of yourself! A minecraft server isn't worth the frustration that you are feeling! Best wishes <3

 

[Cookie Kat]

I hope everything is okay Stormy! As Pyro said above, sometimes taking a break is well-needed after a long time on the internet. Even taking a day or two can have huge impacts! I know that I've needed breaks from time-to-time, therefore if you do decide to take a break overall, I hope its filled with lots of peace and rest! Take some time for yourself, especially with the holidays coming up! Enjoy the season! ManaCube will always be here if you decide to return. Lots of love <3

I think things are okay, I might have a friend log on to do things on my behalf. School has been pretty busy so this would be a good time to cut back on Manacube. I think my dad and sister are coming over soon so hopefully, I'll be able to spend some time with them. Maybe I'll even go outside, and play in the snow (if we have any snow). It's been so long since I've been outside!! Love u Ashley, and I hope that we meet again one day <3

I honestly understand the frustration and sadness that you point to in this message. While I didn't start getting muted until after about three months of playing on aether (about two months very actively), I wish I could go back and start from the beginning before I started getting muted out of boredom. I chose to feed into the toxicity at times, just being disruptive to the peace and good vibes of the server sometimes. I regret my actions just like you, and I wish there was a way to reset and obtain a clean slate! IF ONLY! However Manacube promotes responsibility and accountability through their punishments, and I have been punished for not taking the rules seriously. I totally get why you are taking a break or something along those lines, sometimes I wish I hadn't met such amazing and nice people on this server because that is why I am still sticking with it. It is really an unfortunate state of being though being muted forever, it is incredibly disheartening. I hope you decide to come back again in the future, but if that isn't best for you, then take care of yourself! A minecraft server isn't worth the frustration that you are feeling! Best wishes <3

Honestly... it wasn't just the people here that kept me around. After countless people saying I was never gonna get unmuted again, I wanted to prove them all wrong. I had such big hopes for the future- I was going to get all my punishments revoked and it would be history! Maybe a few years down the road I would apply for staff after showing things had changed... but when it's all said in done, as much as I love this community, I don't think I could ever be staff no matter how much I mature. No, there are a lot of people who wouldn't take me seriously, and quite honestly a lot of people even in real life don't take me seriously. Maybe it's just my personality... but I know one thing is for sure, I can't change who I am just to try and be staff, because it'll end up backfiring on me as it has before.
I don't know what you did in the past, and quite honestly I don't care. As far as I'm concerned, you're pretty cool. And I don't think I've ever really met anyone like you- I feel that most permanently punished players just quit playing Manacube... but you and I? We both stayed. And for me, I think that trying is enough... I believe that even if I don't reach my goals of my punishments being revoked, I will still be happy at the end of the day because I still have my friends, and because I tried my best. That's all we can ever do, no? So perhaps in the past, I wasn't trying my best... I agree- I didn't always take the rules seriously. This is kinda funny considering I was usually the teacher's pet and stuck very close to the rules. Sure, I had my moments but a lot of people do...
Really, the day we all move past people having punishments and judging them based on those punishments would be a very happy day... I know that probably won't happen, which is why I'm learning how to not let other people's negative opinions affect me. I still have hope for the future, and maybe one day I can come back and I will appeal and find my appeal getting accepted instead of rejected. Who knows, life is full of mysteries!